Dressage Jokes

"Laughter is the best Medicine" - so we have compiled our favourite Dressage jokes, puns and funny stories on this page to provide some extra equine therapy with this equestrian humour!

Q: How many dressage riders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: This must not be rushed, this task must be approached slowly, and may take many years. Never EVER use any type of gadget when changing the lightbulb - you could do irrepairable damage.

Jane's husband was complaining again: "Jane, you care more for your horses than for me, I bet that you can't even remember when we got married!"

"Of course I do darling" replied Jane "It was the day after I won my first ever Medium Dressage test!!"

A woman clutching a mobile phone goes over to the secretary's tent at a dressage competition. She asks the event secretary "I know that I not due to ride my dressage test for another couple of hours on my horse, but could I do my test a bit earlier? I've just heard that my husband has been rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack"

Q: How do you make a small fortune with dressage horses?
A: Start with a large fortune!

10 Signs Your Dressage Test Needs Some Work

1. Under judges remarks the only comment is: "Nice plaits."

2. Your horse confuses the dressage arena boards for a cavaletti and exits at K.

3. Your 20 metre circle shape reminds the judge that she should buy eggs on her way home.

4. Your serpentine was perfect, except that it was supposed to be a straight entry on the centre line.

5. Sitting trot has caused some of your fillings to come loose.

6. Your horse believes "free walk" means leaving the arena and heading towards the nearest patch of grass.

7. You work harder than your horse does in working trot.

8. During the salute, your inadvertently use your whip hand and your horse performs "airs above the ground".

9. Your horse's walk appears to be more "rare" than "medium."

10. Impulsion is improved only after the horse sees monsters in the decorative conifers near letters marking the dressage arena.

Q: How do get the best ever dressage performance from your horse?
A: Ride him at home with no-one watching!

A horse's bad behavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.

Q: How do you get your horse to jump low white rails? -
A: Enter a dressage competition!

Judges comments that you DON'T want to receive!!!!

“Nice horse, with lots of…er… potential. (When your horse is over 16!)
“I can only assume this horse jumps well.”
“Very entertaining"
"Well sat bucks"
“Should salute facing judge."
“Horse has a lot of enthusiasm, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be for dressage..."
“That was your first dressage test, wasn't it?" -- and it wasn’t
"Very naughty horse……but quite athletic."
“Patient rider"
“Brave riding"
“Disobedient" - in every comment for every movement
"Would make a nice fairground horse."
"Too much to list here - ask your trainer"
“Everyone who rides has days like this.”
“Airs above the ground are best left to the Spanish Riding School”
"Nicely turned out pair." (Which is code for, oh God, I have nothing else nice to say about that disaster)
"What a shame about that Helicopter!"

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